


It's a beautiful day outside

by rameau



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-27
Updated: 2012-03-27
Packaged: 2017-11-02 14:22:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/369948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rameau/pseuds/rameau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur wakes up in the morning and everything just feels wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a beautiful day outside

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Merlin episode 4×02. AU. One shot.

“Good morning, Sire. It’s a beautiful day outside.”

It’s wrong. The sun shining is wrong. The morning is wrong. The voice is _wrong._

“You may go.” 

Inexcusable, Arthur thinks. He can’t bear to look at the man’s face as he hastily removes himself from the chamber. He knows better than to be short with the servants. He is better than that. 

Or he’d thought he was. 

The pillow fits snugly over his face, but it is making breathing a challenge. Throwing it over the side of the royal bed isn’t helping. And since when does he think of his bed as the _royal_ one? It must be something Merlin has snapped at him on a morning like this one. 

Damn it. 

Out of the corner of his eye Arthur sees his breakfast laid out for him. His clothes for the day are waiting for him also. This kind of dedication is depressing. And it’s wrong. It’s all wrong. 

Out of habit Arthur rolls out of his bed and pads over to the table. It all looks delicious and it all will taste like ashes. He reaches for the milk first, then water, and then wine. 

It’s almost noon, he lies to himself.

It _is_ noon, though, and his father is waiting for him. 

Arthur opts for some fresh air before that particular heart breaking scene. The walk across the courtyard is short and uneventful. People are rushing around just like on any other day; there are no guards or servants sweeping the cobblestones. Why he notes that, he doesn’t know. He just does.

He passes a couple fighting. She’s shouting at the knight and crying. He’s trying to hold her, soothe her, love her. Arthur can’t watch. 

He walks on.

His father is sitting in the same chair by the same window wearing the same clothes he was wearing the day before. He looks as lost as ever. Everything looks the same, except it doesn’t.

Today, Arthur understands. 

He understands the hurt and betrayal Uther must have felt when Morgana turned on him. 

“I missed you, Son.”

“I missed you too, Father.”

“Is something wrong? You look sad. The quest was successful, was it not?”

“It was,” Arthur’s voice breaks, “but the cost was-”

_Dear._

_Exorbitant._

_Unacceptable._

Arthur looks up and sees the man behind the broken shell. He sees the man who traded the only love of his life for a son. He sees the man who instead of accepting the price he had to pay, blamed others for his loss. Arthur sees the man who embraced his bitterness until it cost him his dearest love all over again – his daughter. Now all the man has left is the son who reminds him of all that pain.

And Arthur understands. 

For today, looking at his father, Arthur sees his own pain. Arthur sees the man whose choices cost him everything.

He sees all the choices that led to this moment. He sees the broken veil and he sees black. He sees Lancelot and Gwaine looking down on him as he wakes and he sees everything that’s missing. He sees the road back to Camelot and he sees the silence. He sees the gates and Gwen rushing to welcome them home. He sees the joy on her face turn to worry and disbelief. He sees her running and Lancelot rushing after her. He sees the old man break and weep in the empty room sitting on an empty cot. He sees Gaius hiding his disgust. He sees them all blaming him, blaming him for failing to protect the most precious and fragile of them all.

“-too high? It always is.” Uther speaks. 

“When you are king, you’ll need someone faithful to share your burden with. You’ll need someone who you can be yourself with, someone who sees the man as well as the crown. Someone who isn’t afraid to risk his head to tell you when they think you’re making a mistake. When you find that someone keep them close. You’ll be a better king for it.”

“Is that what you did, Father?”

“I tried. Your mother was that someone for me.”

Arthur sees the King and the man before him and wonders if he’s looking at his own future. His fate without his loyal friend. His life without Merlin.


End file.
